Friday, August 24, 2012

I swear I am still 18

Sitting at an outdoor concert recently I realized something. A lot of the single people (28+) still think they are 18. I love people watching and this particular situation just made me laugh, cry, and want to scream all at the same time.

In my head I must admit that I still think I am 18. I still have my entire life in front of me with endless years and youth. However, this past weekend brought that to a screeching halt as I scanned this crowd. I realized we all think that way but we have wrinkles and baggage from an already well lived life. So it begs the question: What is our hang up?

People still want to get married otherwise they would all sit at home and play video games or eat bon bons. But we are out and about mingling with singles looking for some sort of connection. Whether it is just friendship or relationship, we are still looking.

There is no end to my annoyance with myself and others who do this. Why? It is all superficial garbage or at least it seems to me. Yes I have meaningful and great friendships but honestly in crowds like this I feel empty and plastic. We all think that we have years ahead to find the one. (which doesn’t exist) Turns out we just like to think that our youth will go on forever and we don’t have to worry about what we aren’t doing today.

I have said for many many years now that Satan is easily destroying the family by hindering the creation of one. How does he hinder it…by letting us think we are fine just the way we are single. I am sorry but I am not fine. Yes I love my life but that doesn’t mean I am fine with how it is. I am always trying to improve myself. But there is only so much I can do alone. I can’t learn true selflessness when I have no one that I really have to take care of. I can’t learn true love and friendship when there are so many other people I am competing with for someone to get to know me.

It saddens me to tears sometimes. Yes I cry over this because I see such a wonderful potential for happiness and love but it is halted by our 18 year old mentality of world is my oyster and I can do whatever I want because I am an adult. Well guess what that has consequences and the biggest one yet is that you are 30+ unmarried, sitting at home twiddling thumbs, and probably tired of life.

OK so it may seem I am harsh but seriously I don’t know what it will take for us to realize what is really happening. Honestly I don’t know what more I can do to date more…OR AT ALL. I started dating guys outside my faith because they got me. They didn’t expect me to be a perfect little 18 year old body, mind or person. They liked my mature and often sarcastic views of life. They see who I am and what I have accomplished or what I may accomplish. They don’t look at my musical talents, degrees, or physical body. (ok maybe a little on that one)

Fortunately I also realized that they lack the spiritual understanding and guidance that I need/want. So again it is back to the drawing board of trying to figure it all out. As my mother always states "You have to take it one day at a time because if you look to far ahead you won't like where you are at now." Wise words because she knows me so well and what I want in my life. Not only with marriage but career and health.

Time to be wise in mind but youthful in spirit.