Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Beginnings of Dating

It is always a bit of a precarious thing when you start dating someone. Learning how the other person communicates, pet peeves of theirs or yours of them, idiosyncrasies of each other, and so on. It is just one big learning process. One of the biggest challenges for me in the beginning is the scheduling of time. I am not a girl who likes things from people I like time. Because memories to me are more precious and worth so much more than a trinket. However, my time is valuable as everyone's is and it is difficult to work someone into my life.

I have been accused by many a man of having too booked of a schedule. "Why would I want to date you if you aren't going to make time for me?" This often causes some contention between my family and I because they know that I keep busy to stay out of trouble and productive but they also see that it has hurt my dating life.

Well fear not family I have learned a few tricks to the trade on this go around that I thought I would share. To help see the growth and flexibility that I have made in my life.

1.  Find someone who has their own life. Granted you will mesh schedules and lives together eventually but lets be honest at the beginning of a relationship you don't want to give up everything if it isn't going to work out. (Eggs in one basket concept)

2.  Communicate that you want to spend time with them. Don't just assume that they will call and ask you on a date. You have to tell them. Otherwise they will think that you aren't making time for them. I have found that by talking it out and reviewing our schedules things go much smoother.

3.  Girlfriends will understand. I have wonderful girlfriends and they know that I will forgive them for missing a party if it is for a guy. Why would I get mad at them for pursuing a guy? I wouldn't so they don't either. With the holidays there are tons of parties to keep me busy but all my girls know that I love them but if he calls me up for a night when there is a party I will go out with him before them.

4.  Not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. Don't lose hope or yourself if the relationship doesn't last. I have spent far too many tears and hours analyzing what went wrong. No more though. Keep a healthy perspective about it all. Just because you were not the lid to his pot doesn't mean you are a bad person or missing something. Don't beat yourself up over it.

5.  Last but not least at all. Be ready to fall in love. Keeping busy has done a lot for helping me progress in other ways but has blocked me from falling in love in others. Making time for love is huge but be ready to give up time for it is something that I wasn't prepared for. Being ready doesn't mean you have to have A - Z done but that you are ready to make the adjustments.

Dating will always be something that is a struggle but at the beginning of dating someone don't worry about the list. Enjoy the little nuances of being in a relationship. The first hand hold, kiss, friend meeting, and so many more things. You won't be able to get those things back. Don't push along to the end cause you want the result (whether good or bad) but, enjoy the beginning because it may be your last beginning.