Monday, September 23, 2013

Trouble of Men...they aren't trouble


In recent weeks there has been a lot of talk about how men are not up to snuff. How they need to do more and aren't living up to their potential or priesthood responsibility. (LDS term) This is mostly said in the singles wards I have attended or stories that have come from them. This saddens me every time I hear it.

I will give an example of a recent occurrence.
In a singles church meeting one of the leaders stood up to give a talk. He started easy enough saying how much he loved working with the single people of the church and how young it made him feel...even though I am pretty sure he was only 10 years older than most of the congregation. As he started his talk or at least the main topic he said "Now sisters this part isn't for you, it is for the brethren..." then proceeded to talk about how men need to be better because they are deviants for not being married. Stating that most men their age have a pornography problem or some other issues.

Now I am not saying that what he said isn't true or have fact based in it. What I am saying is that this is wrong. Why is he publically chastising the men? Because I can tell you from a woman's stand point all I heard in that talk is that I am right for being single because all of these men are not up to my standards. It validated my feelings of why I don't want to date. It completely helped my cause of justification in avoiding the dating scene. Now how did this help me or them....IT DIDN'T AT ALL.

These leaders and other speakers pander to the poor plight of the single woman. While railing the men on how they are not men. I am sorry but if I were a guy I would probably turn off my ears and perhaps not return to church. (That is just me and how I get though not encouraging this childish behavior)

A friend of mine recently pointed out that men are not 100% testosterone and women are not 100% estrogen. Therefore, why do we handle each other with that mentality? That men don't have feelings but to beat them like a horse until submission. While women are petted like a soft kitten. This is not helping what the real problems are. Understanding that individually we struggle. Women like a challenge and find it invigorating to rise up to it. While men do like to be spoken softly and kindly to.

I do not deserve sympathy over my male single friend just because I am female. We should be talked to and sympathized equally if at all.

Now before you go all huffy puffy on me ladies please hear this part out.

MEN need to be needed and loved just as a woman does. Perhaps not to the extent of women but they in their own way do. I am sure they appreciate simple gestures of understanding instead of the rolling of the eyes when you see them at a party instead of a date on a Saturday night. They get tired of asking girls on dates, just as we get tired of going on dates. (BAD DATES that is)

There is a lot both sexes could do to encourage and bring a more positive force into these kinds of conversations and talks.

Women - Stop thinking that you being single has everything to do with a doesn't. You are single because  you are single. Don't go eating bon-bon every night or bring your crochet to a meeting cause nothing applies to you. We have just as much of a responsibility to dating as men do. Our role is just different. No man wants to ask out the Gabby the Gossip or Bertha the Bitter. Find the positive in your life and expand upon it. Lift up the men and women around you. Encourage don't discourage girls to go out with a guy that you may like but he asked your friend out. It is a hard pill to swallow but sisters before misters is the wrong way of thinking. You want your sister to be happy...maybe she would be happy with that guy.

Men - Stop worrying about what a woman thinks. You can't read her mind so stop worrying about impressing her. Be yourself and ask a girl out. Do work on upping your game by being a better version of yourself. If you struggle with stuff work on figuring it out. Most women are kind and will be patient with you if you just talk to them. If you have a ton of girlfriends....ASK ONE OF THEM OUT. Obviously you know how to talk with that girl why not ask her on a date? I know heaven forbid friends become lovers but trust me that is the most lasting and truest relationship of all.

BOTH - Lift each other up in talking with, about, or around one another. Stop thinking you deserve someone better. Do talk to people of the opposite sex that you may actually have something in common with. (aka talk with those like minded not just the handsome/pretty ones)

I hope that we will stop nagging the men and talking bad about them in the congregational settings. It hurts me to see my fellowman be torn down in such a way and in such a public manner. So stop making those comments, stop making the mean jokes and just work on what you can...which is YOU!