Saturday, January 26, 2013

Can Men and Women Be "Just Friends?"

Recently I found on YouTube a video of college kids going around asking each other if boys and girls can just be friends. I was laughing so hard listening to the answers. For one it was a campus that has a high population of LDS/Mormons attending...and no it wasn't BYU. But what was cracking me up even more is how the girls were all sweet and innocent thinking that they can just hang out with their guy friends and all is well in the world. 

Whereas the guys were saying no. I am sorry sisters of the single life but those guys were totally right. It takes a lot to build a friendship and it is hard to let it go but let me just say from experience that guys and girls can be friends but not forever. Why you ask? Well let me just tell you how it plays out.

1. At some one if not both of you will wonder in your head if the other person likes you more than just a friend. You/They will think "We have such a great time together could there be more?" Unfortunately this mainly applies to the women of the friendship. We think this because we tend to go for a guys personality more than anything and through friendship we tend to find men more attractive as we get to know them.

2. Men are hormonal. Don't get me wrong women are too but lets be honest here they are going to think at some point "Is she a good kisser?" And I am keeping this PG but you get the idea. They are attracted to the physical and if one of their girl friends just so happens to look extra cute one day that is what will run through their mind. But it doesn't go past that...they aren't thinking long term here ladies. They just think you are cute, hot, sexy, or whatever for that minute and wonder what it would be like to be a little physical with you. 

3. I have had my fair share of guy friends. They are great and hopefully they all know that I wouldn't change them for the world but to say I hadn't looked at each of them as a potential mate would be a lie. There I said it...HUGE confession there. Most of them never ever went past that thought but truly it went through my head at some point or another within the beginnings of getting to know them. Most women can't separate from this thought and keep looking for that potential. I on the other hand see their potential and try to set them up with someone who I think would be a great fit. (A thorn in my poor parents side...their daughter the match maker of everyone else but herself.)

4. There are occasions where men and women can be friends. I am good friends with a few of my ex-boyfriends but it took and still to this day takes A LOT of communication and going over boundaries and making sure we were on the same page and not reading into anything. So it can be done but trust me it takes a very honest and true friendship in order for this to work. Most of the time it just explodes and sadly it is usually the women who end up a little battered and torn because we naturally take on the situation ourselves.

At the end of the day when thinking about my guy friends/boyfriends I say to myself "Could I live without this person?" In the end we truly only have one eternal and true friend. Don't feel bad if you don't stay friends with those guys or girls. You didn't date for a reason and hopefully they will find someone that make them happy. Men and women can be friends but trust me at some point your relationship will change. You can't stay friends forever with all those cute guys. Also guys you can't keep hanging out with those girls thinking that they are just fine with how things are...cause they probably dying a little inside when you ask someone else out on a date but hang out with them on a weeknight. Just sayin!!!

Here is the link to the video...please watch it is funny.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Beautiful Creature

There seems to be a common misconception that women want to be men. Well I don't know about everyone else but this woman does not by any means, way, or inclination to be like a man. I love being a woman and the femininity of being such.

Don't get me wrong I am grateful for those who fought for women rights but I don't think all of them wanted to turn into men or be like a man. Men are gruff, built to work, and to provide. Women are soft, curvy, loving, kind, and caring. Why is it we work so hard to be like men?

One of my sister's and I were discussing the essential characteristic of women and the roles that they play in the world. So here is a list of thoughts that derived from that conversation. ****Please note that these are all opinion with no research or fact in them.****

1.  Women need to be in the home. Does this mean they can't work outside or inside the home? NO Just that the essential rock of a good family is the mother and wife being in the home. This can vary in so many ways. I have friends who love their children to no end but can't handle staying home. Are they bad women or mothers no but they recognize what they can provide of their best selves. Their children or husband do not suffer because she doesn't stay home 24/7 but they thrive because she is happy and loving to them. On the flip side some of my sisters home-school their children and are with them 24/7 because that is what they feel they need to do. It is all about participating in the home. God created us to bear children and raise them. Therefore, he knows what we can handle and can help us find the right way to do so for us.

2.  Women want to help. Most women want to help change the world. Many have taken this to mean it can only be done in a work environment. I don't agree. There are many ways to change the world and it is not limited to home or career. Allow your natural abilities to guide on this one.

3.  I have worked for many many years in corporations, non-profits, and small home based businesses. In this time I have noticed that most women who are high up or striving to break the glass ceiling are unhappy. They are not nice to other women and tend to talk negatively about men. I didn't want to be like that. I have made an effort to not be mean or rough when seeking a promotion at work. "Kill them with kindness" as the old adage says. Trust me I am a much better person to deal with when I don't pull out the forceful SSS.

There is so much more to this post that I want to write but I think this quote sums my feelings up best:

"Women of God can never be like women of the world. 
The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. 
There are enough women who are course; we need women who are kind. 
There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. 
We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. 
We have enough greed; we need more goodness. 
We have enough vanity; we need virtue. 
We have enough popularity; we need more purity." Margaret Nadauld

Don't make yourself smaller or less of a person to make a man feel bigger but don't take away from their roles and characteristics as well. God created 2 distinct sexes. I am working very hard on appreciating and recognizing the difference between the sexes.

***The only thing that I wish we were more like men is in their strength mainly because women and children are always the biggest causalities in wars and violence. I would like to be able to defend myself a little better is all.***