Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Beginnings of Dating

It is always a bit of a precarious thing when you start dating someone. Learning how the other person communicates, pet peeves of theirs or yours of them, idiosyncrasies of each other, and so on. It is just one big learning process. One of the biggest challenges for me in the beginning is the scheduling of time. I am not a girl who likes things from people I like time. Because memories to me are more precious and worth so much more than a trinket. However, my time is valuable as everyone's is and it is difficult to work someone into my life.

I have been accused by many a man of having too booked of a schedule. "Why would I want to date you if you aren't going to make time for me?" This often causes some contention between my family and I because they know that I keep busy to stay out of trouble and productive but they also see that it has hurt my dating life.

Well fear not family I have learned a few tricks to the trade on this go around that I thought I would share. To help see the growth and flexibility that I have made in my life.

1.  Find someone who has their own life. Granted you will mesh schedules and lives together eventually but lets be honest at the beginning of a relationship you don't want to give up everything if it isn't going to work out. (Eggs in one basket concept)

2.  Communicate that you want to spend time with them. Don't just assume that they will call and ask you on a date. You have to tell them. Otherwise they will think that you aren't making time for them. I have found that by talking it out and reviewing our schedules things go much smoother.

3.  Girlfriends will understand. I have wonderful girlfriends and they know that I will forgive them for missing a party if it is for a guy. Why would I get mad at them for pursuing a guy? I wouldn't so they don't either. With the holidays there are tons of parties to keep me busy but all my girls know that I love them but if he calls me up for a night when there is a party I will go out with him before them.

4.  Not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. Don't lose hope or yourself if the relationship doesn't last. I have spent far too many tears and hours analyzing what went wrong. No more though. Keep a healthy perspective about it all. Just because you were not the lid to his pot doesn't mean you are a bad person or missing something. Don't beat yourself up over it.

5.  Last but not least at all. Be ready to fall in love. Keeping busy has done a lot for helping me progress in other ways but has blocked me from falling in love in others. Making time for love is huge but be ready to give up time for it is something that I wasn't prepared for. Being ready doesn't mean you have to have A - Z done but that you are ready to make the adjustments.

Dating will always be something that is a struggle but at the beginning of dating someone don't worry about the list. Enjoy the little nuances of being in a relationship. The first hand hold, kiss, friend meeting, and so many more things. You won't be able to get those things back. Don't push along to the end cause you want the result (whether good or bad) but, enjoy the beginning because it may be your last beginning.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Plowing the Road alone

I am a small town girl at heart. So often I use farming analogies or small town sayings where people look at me awkwardly. I don't mind my sayings and think that it is a little reflection on the funny things we remember from our childhood.

But I digress. This post is something that has been percolating in my mind for awhile. (as mos things/post do) I am having a jaw surgery coming up to correct a cleft palate and recessed chin. When the doctor explained to me what was going to happen in the surgery there were little beads of water coming out of my eyes along with a very elevated heart rate. This has been a long time coming and I am super excited for it to be around the corner but to have to face a lot of this by myself has been the toughest challenge.

I have wonderful family and friends who have rallied around me in support. They have offered words of encouragement as well as helping hands for when I am down for the count. As much as I have loved these gestures and words I have found that it is not the same as having a special someone to support and be there. Having my jaw wired shut for 2 weeks is scary enough because me not being able to talk for that period of time may just do me in. Let alone functioning to make food, shower, daily chores etc. I am super duper lucky to have a mom who can come take care of me for the first few days. This is a blessing to me. However, when I have my breakdowns of crying (which we all know will happen) what shoulder am I to turn to? I know there are friends that will be there but it is just not the same as a guys arms around you to comfort. There is something to be said for a physical touch from the opposite sex. It is can be calming and reassuring that things will be fine.

Life is a heavy journey with wagons full of problems, happiness, dips, turns, and whatever else you can think of. So why people would choose to plow the road alone is a mystery to me. I do love my life and the opportunities I have had to become strengthened  in holding the load on my own. But, when times like this approach it makes me wish that I had my own person to turn to. Putting the shoulder to the wheel and pushing along is so much easier with someone on the other wheel.

We are each given our trials and blessings in this life. Plowing the road alone just makes my shoulders stronger to bear up the next thing.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Needy or Needed

I am writing this blog to vent. Please realize it is just a vent and I am not filtering it because I feel that if I filter my post you wont' get the full affect of how confused and befuddled I am.

There are times like this past week where I just throw my arms in the air and ask "Are you serious?" Dating is seriously kicking my behind. If it is not a man telling me "You are just too busy" it is him telling me "You come off needy." Oh yes you heard the right, SSS, is apparently needy.

So I pose this question to those of you who know me or read my blog. What is the difference between Being Needy and Being Needed?

I have come the following conclusion. It is all about the perception. Whether it is a friend asking for help only once or for the hundredth time I really think it depends on what you think or what mental state you are in.

Everyone has an innate sense to be needed. Through time that can be squashed due to situations that have hardened their hearts. But for the most part, they want to help, lend a hand, comfort those who stand in need of comfort. However, when does being needed become needy?

                       Needy                                                                          Needed
Call/Texting Husband/Boyfriend 12 times before lunch.       Calling Him to ask what he wants for dinner.
Prying or coaxing compliments from someone.                    Giving a compliment.
Constant need to have someone there for you.                    Being there for others.
It is all about you. Drama is always your story.                    Share and listen to others.

These are just a few things I have thought up to tell the difference. However, some men think that they are interchangeable. Just because I want to talk to someone to get to know them does not make me Needy. At least not in my mind. I want to develop a relationship with them and how else am I supposed to do that. Do they need to respond right back. NO but a response is respectful. I like to learn how people communicate and once I do I am golden in figuring out what they need from me.

Now I may be completely off my rocker here but this is just what I have seen and experienced lately. I am not mad at the guy for calling me needy I was just shocked. We have not known each other that long and I think he is a great guy. Would like to date him but how do you get past the fact that he thinks I am needy? Seriously I am open to suggestions cause this girl is HORRIBLE at dating.

Communication is really all a woman Needs. At least all this woman needs. :-)

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Women!!! - By my very married much younger brother

****The only words I changed in this blog post from his writings is that of spelling corrections.****

In a recent conversation with my wonderful SSS, as often we do, we where discussing various topics of importance when she brought an interesting point to my attention. Do men who are married seem to achieve more in there careers and in there personal life? Indeed my answer was a resounding “You Betch’a.” Not to discount the many great things that single men have accomplished abut I have actually had this same conversation with many of my single and married friends.

First of all it is not that men are unmotivated in general (although many women hold this opinion) indeed most men are simply comfortable with things women usually find appalling. Left to our own devices most men are content to lay around the house in their boxers watching the game and putting cheese wiz on their fast food tacos. It really is fun you should try it. Our bed would be lucky to have matching pillow cases and blanket. We find happiness in comfort and the simple things in life. But unfortunately this can also lead us enjoy these creature comforts so much that we become what you might say too comfortable or set in our ways. Thus the female of the species enters the picture. She also enjoys a few creature comforts of her own but in general is not content to sit in silence with the smell of cheesy tacos soaking into the couch. Women challenge us! They may want curtains on the windows, or perhaps that more than two things in a room match a set theme or color. They enjoy order in their life in one way or another. The male can find this very unusual. Women why exactly do we need extra decorated pillows on our bed that we will never use? I still don’t get it but I guess that is not the point. A woman in our lives make things inextricably complicated, we have to worry about feelings and the complicated social structure you share with your friends. We endure the torture of the long list of projects and cleaning routines, and sometimes it can really drive us mad! So why get married? If there is one thing my meager 6 years of marriage has taught me it is that you never can predict how the combining of two lives and souls can affect you. You will find yourself becoming accustomed to the lavender smell in the bathroom or the light the lace curtains make your living room not to dark or not to bright. That’s not all folks! Besides the obvious non-PG13 benefits of being in love, you may find a strange social phenomenon. That fact that she shares your concerns and dreams, you will find yourself sharing hers as well. After a bad day you will find a caring person instead of a can of aerosol cheese, and yes you will find yourself wanting to be more not just for her but for yourself. There has never been a greater opportunity for service for me than in my marriage. My wife has challenged me, brought joy into even the most mundane times of my life and has been a motivator for the betterment of myself.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Honest Politicians????

Today is just a short rant. I just got tired of listening to all the political rhetoric going on between both parties.  Nothing is truly being accomplished by this election. No one is telling the truth....whether it is about themselves or their opponent. I am not speaking just about the Presidential race either.

People want politicians to tell the truth but really would they be able to handle it.

The truth that there is so much deception and behind closed door meetings that would frighten us. Or that our national debt can not be cleared ever because of the deals that were made MANY years before I was even born. Would Americans be able to handle the politicians telling them that they are fat and lazy and being lulled into a controlled existence? Would they be ok with knowing that by having the government give handouts/ups that they are controlling taking away agency/freedom? If politicians were honest with how much they get paid or their kickbacks from major corporations and lobbyists it would make us sick. To know that they are still paid with tax dollars on top of what they get under the table. Or that they pass laws that don’t apply to them….HELLO Medicare, Social Security, Obamacare. 

If the American people want honesty from politicians then they better be able to handle the truth. The truth that politicians are supposed to work for us but instead we fill like we work for them. That they are supposed to listen to the majority and not the minority. That they are supposed to create laws that the American people want and not what will suit their vested interests. That judges are supposed to enforce the laws not create them. That we are supposed to vote our conscience and not what the media or tradition tells us. I have seen where people vote for someone because of their name.

Can we handle the truth from the politicians? I would be saddened to really have them speak the truth because I know that it would throw me for a loop about their intentions and agenda for America as well as themselves. Not what the American people want. It is like in High School when we vote for King and Queen. We vote for those who are pretty or who flatter us. Not who best represents us.

You may or may not agree. This is just my own personal opinion and yes I do know that there are some good people in politics. This is just a generalization and not to point fingers at any politician or party. But this is what I see and feel.

Friday, August 24, 2012

I swear I am still 18

Sitting at an outdoor concert recently I realized something. A lot of the single people (28+) still think they are 18. I love people watching and this particular situation just made me laugh, cry, and want to scream all at the same time.

In my head I must admit that I still think I am 18. I still have my entire life in front of me with endless years and youth. However, this past weekend brought that to a screeching halt as I scanned this crowd. I realized we all think that way but we have wrinkles and baggage from an already well lived life. So it begs the question: What is our hang up?

People still want to get married otherwise they would all sit at home and play video games or eat bon bons. But we are out and about mingling with singles looking for some sort of connection. Whether it is just friendship or relationship, we are still looking.

There is no end to my annoyance with myself and others who do this. Why? It is all superficial garbage or at least it seems to me. Yes I have meaningful and great friendships but honestly in crowds like this I feel empty and plastic. We all think that we have years ahead to find the one. (which doesn’t exist) Turns out we just like to think that our youth will go on forever and we don’t have to worry about what we aren’t doing today.

I have said for many many years now that Satan is easily destroying the family by hindering the creation of one. How does he hinder it…by letting us think we are fine just the way we are single. I am sorry but I am not fine. Yes I love my life but that doesn’t mean I am fine with how it is. I am always trying to improve myself. But there is only so much I can do alone. I can’t learn true selflessness when I have no one that I really have to take care of. I can’t learn true love and friendship when there are so many other people I am competing with for someone to get to know me.

It saddens me to tears sometimes. Yes I cry over this because I see such a wonderful potential for happiness and love but it is halted by our 18 year old mentality of world is my oyster and I can do whatever I want because I am an adult. Well guess what that has consequences and the biggest one yet is that you are 30+ unmarried, sitting at home twiddling thumbs, and probably tired of life.

OK so it may seem I am harsh but seriously I don’t know what it will take for us to realize what is really happening. Honestly I don’t know what more I can do to date more…OR AT ALL. I started dating guys outside my faith because they got me. They didn’t expect me to be a perfect little 18 year old body, mind or person. They liked my mature and often sarcastic views of life. They see who I am and what I have accomplished or what I may accomplish. They don’t look at my musical talents, degrees, or physical body. (ok maybe a little on that one)

Fortunately I also realized that they lack the spiritual understanding and guidance that I need/want. So again it is back to the drawing board of trying to figure it all out. As my mother always states "You have to take it one day at a time because if you look to far ahead you won't like where you are at now." Wise words because she knows me so well and what I want in my life. Not only with marriage but career and health.

Time to be wise in mind but youthful in spirit.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Rolling off the Tongue

I have decided that I am posting something today. What I don't know just yet but whatever comes to mind as I type.  So you may find this post a little funny, unnerving, or completely random but I just need to get somethings out of my head before they implode.

1.  We singles are not 18 anymore. You know what I am talking about. We go around thinking we can all just hang out in some big morpheous group with no attachments and be fine. Well peeps I am sorry to say it but we are not fine. We are lonely and a little lost from what I can tell. Please do not take offense to this because I am talking about me as well as what I see/hear from those around me. I had a strange realization the other day in this regard. While visiting my grandparents grave-site I realized the only reason they are remembered is because of their children and grandchildren. Sure their Aunts/Uncles remembered them but beyond that one generation they aren't. I just had a sickening feeling about families and their vital role as a person's legacy. What do you do when you don't have one?

2.  Pull on your big boy/girl panties and grow up! That is right I said it. I can't tell you how many times people have come to me with this problem or that who don't get it. They are the one's that are the problem not those around them. Get help, seek counseling, do what you gotta do to get a grip. That is what I had to do. Trust me I am a struggling mess but at least I am taking actions to realize what I have done and what I need to do to correct things in my life. NOPE NOT PERFECT here but I am trying to be happy with my life.

3.  Many Many years ago I saw a trend coming. The trend of people waiting later in life to get married if they married at all. Do you want to know how I saw this coming? I saw how Satan/Lucifer/The Devil was manipulating myself and my friends in the most subtle and oft times what we thought were good things to detract us from meeting an eternal companion. YES folks that is right Satan has attacked the family in another way by telling us not to create on in the first place. Do you ever notice how it is so easy to sin/do something bad on your own? There is safety in numbers. You are less likely to go off a deep end if you are attached to someone. (so to speak. ;-)

4. Last but not least on the brain is politics. Oh gracious the stupidity of it all. In a year where the elections are teetering on an economy and illegal immigration issues we are missing a much bigger and in my opinion bigger problem. It is called lack of American education of the 3 Branches of government. I really don't want to get into this but long story short the judicial branch has been used recently to make the laws instead of ruling on them. This is wrong and against the constitutions. Legislative branch is supposed to do that. When the people vote for something the Judicial branch rules on the law the people voted for. Not change the law and revoke the people's voice.

Alright I think I am done. Don't worry once all of these opinions are out of my head I don't get upset over them. It is when I sit and stew over these that it makes me angry. Now it is on to living my life the best way I can and contribute where I can. :-)

Friday, June 8, 2012


Dear Men:

Just because we are friends and I care for you doesn’t mean I like you in a romantic way.  So stop freaking out and just be a good friend.  All I am trying to offer you all is support and friendship.  And really would it be so bad if I liked you?  You would be dang lucky to have a girl like me in your life.  Not that I am perfect but really not a bad person.

It is driving me nuts that men are like this.  They freak out that I like them if I ask them about their life.  Goodness gracious guys just want to be a good friend.  Last I checked you were not my type and by type I mean I can tell you don’t think of me in any romantic way and that is not my type.  I prefer to date men who have an interest in me.

Also if I say I miss you it doesn’t mean that I changed my mind but that I miss our friendship.  To me friendship is the most important thing a person can have.  Friends can turn into lovers yes and probably those are the best kind of relationships but most likely the general male population in my life will not turn into anything more than friendship.

We all need to learn to be a good friend because we can’t be more than that to anyone until we know how to be a friend.  So grow up get a pair of “man marbles” and be a friend.  Stopping being afraid that a girl likes you.  If you need to have a conversation with a lady by all means have it and be honest.  You can have great girl friends but one day you are only going to have ONE in your life so figure out how to be that great friend to her.

Dear Women:

Learn how to be happy without a man.  Don’t go chasing men around every corner and at every social function.  Be happy and content with who you are.  You are just making it more difficult for yourselves and other women to form a romantic attachment.  Being so aggressive and asking guys out or providing them with “hang out” options is ridiculous.


Be a woman.  We have a wonderful role in life and yes sometimes it is a supportive role.  Stop the drama please.  Life doesn’t have to be a roller coaster.  There doesn’t need to always be something wrong or in the mix.  Peace and beauty go hand in hand.
No this isn’t the 1950’s but please take a step back and allow men to grow instead of hand feeding them so to speak.  Trust me if you start the relationship it will never work and if it does work you will be pushing and pulling the man along.

Least you think this was a rant on everyone but me please read the final letter.

Dear SSS:

Stop being afraid to FAIL!!!  Yes that is right you are afraid of failing and that is why you run a million miles a minute.  You are afraid to let someone down or not follow through on something or even hang onto a relationship to long because you feel it is failure if things don’t work out.  Even with friends.

This is hindering your contentment and happiness.  In your need to control your life and situations you miss out on just letting good things happen.  Stop trying to be everything for everybody.  They will let you down and you will let them down.  Be alright with the disappointment.  Be happy with who you are and what you bring to life.

Admit your faults and weaknesses.  Stop pretending to be strong, you have weak moments or days and that is fine.  Don’t go blabbing all your problems obviously as you are not that type of person but admit you can’t do everything.  You need down time to regroup and rejuvenate for your health if nothing else. 

Take a breath and relax.  Enjoy the beautiful life you have and stop worrying about everyone else.  They can take care of themselves and if they can’t they will let you know.  Don’t be afraid of failing in life because you know from experience that huge blessings have come from your biggest failures.  Let people in…especially guys.  Stop keeping them at arms length.