Friday, March 22, 2013

Who has It Easier?

When it comes to dating there is sometime the unfortunate break-up. In recent months I have realized that this is my least favorite part. It just stinks.

There are varying reasons and excuses given when breaking up.
"It's not you it's me."
"I am just not in a good place in my life."
"I don't want to be in a committed relationship." Turn around and married in 3 months.
"I want someone like you." Married someone polar opposite of me and what he said he was looking for.
"I feel like I will run you over and control your life " Yes I have actually used this one. Long story

Everyone thinks that break-up is the hard part but it isn't. It is the getting back out there part that is a bear
You have to start all over in a lot of ways. If you have been in a relationship longer than 3 months the likely hood of you still keeping in touch with your friends  is minimal. You have spent most of your free time with your partner. Things outside of a relationship slip. (My laundry is the first to suffer)

But getting back out their seems to be easier for some than others. I am not one that it is easy for but apparently for any and all of my exes it is easy for them. They tend to find a new girlfriend withing a week of us stopping our relationship. Why is this?

I am not blaming guys so please do not think that this is finger pointing time but  more of a why is it easier for for some while I am still sitting here with my thumbs tied behind my back it seems?

I have 2 theories about this and I may be absolutely wrong but this is just what I think and see.

1. Men can ask a woman out quicker than men can find out than a girl broke up with her boyfriend. I am an old fashion girl when it comes to who asks whom out. I have never had a relationship even remotely work out where I asked the guy out on a date. Did it once and never again.
Is this a reason why? I mean guys bounce back or want to move forward while women want to dwell and fix before moving on. again theoretical here.

...or is it because

2. Women tend to have a more supportive group around them to buoy them up or go through the "grieving " process with them. While men tend to not like being alone and want to move onto greener pastures.

This is all from my own limited perspective. I sit here and see more than one ex move happily ever after with their life while I am still trudging mud waiting for the guy to notice me that I sit by at church or talk to at the gym. Don't get me wrong there are many reasons why my relationships and many others haven't worked out. I do not begrudge the men in my life who have moved on and in most cases I am truly happy for them finding someone they love. But I still think it is easier for them to move onto the next relationship than it is is for me.

What are all your thoughts on this? Truly I need some perspective on this one. This is from a single sassy sister who doesn't have a lot of male friends that will be truthful with her.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Attack on Women

Lately in the news I hear this phrase thrown around in most stories that involve women's rights. It is an "Attack on Women" because their employer won't offer birth control or can't wear pants to church etc. Well as a woman I would like to address this.

I love being a woman. I am often reminded of the song "I enjoy Being a Girl" from Flower Drum Song musical. Is it tough and is a lot expected or wanted from us...YES!! But there are certain perks to being a girl. I often get drinks or food paid for, doors opened for me, a protective arm around me on a slippery side walk, a coat offered on a cold day, or get out of traffic tickets cause of tears. (which I have only used once and they came without my control.)

Some women may see these things as being reliant or setting women back but I see it as allowing someone to do something for me. Men are not naturally giving creatures so when they do these things I am sure to be appreciative and grateful for these gestures. I do not feel that it demeans my own ability to do them just that I am allowing them to serve me.

When it comes to the work place there is also a lot thrown around that women get the raw end of the deal in the work place. I  this regard I do agree. We women in the workforce have to be stronger and honestly a little mean because we tend to not be taken seriously. I on more than one occasion have noticed that women who are higher in a company tend to be more aggressive. Not saying that a nice soft woman can't run a company but they tend to not be able to get far if they are. I am lucky in the regard that I work with all men and am highly regarded and respected for my opinion. It did however take me a long time to find a company where this occurred  There have been positions in my past where the man in charge has looked down or spoken down to me versus my male counterpart. This hurts and is a bit stressful but I found out that it is there small minded thinking that made them so. The glass ceiling is there in some companies but I feel that on the whole it is much better.
I do not feel that my employer has to provide me with certain things just cause I am a woman. Its a privilege to have a job. There is no sense of entitlement or expectation to have things because of it. I provide for myself. Not my employers job to provide for my personal choices outside of work. aka birth control. I do not want to push my agenda over their own consciousnesses. Luckily however my health insurance is covered by this.
I have other opinions about this but perhaps another time I will discuss it.

Then there is the home. Recently in a Sunday school discussion there was some much heated debate on the roles of parents. Who does what? Who leads the family? etc. I was brought up in a stay at home mom environment. My parents were lucky that way in they found a way to make it work for them. My mother did however find a job once all her children were in school. Again luckily it was with the school district so we all had the same hours. I was rarely at home by myself. She was also my softball coach, cheerleading coach, and church leader. Was it tough at times to have her constantly around yes but I always had her support.
I have sisters who have chosen to stay at home and home school their children. I also have sisters who have chosen to go back to school to enter the work force. Do I think either or is right or wrong? No They are doing what they feel is right for them. They are not better or worse nor attacked because of their choices. They are all smart, driven, and contributing members of society. Just all in different ways.

Please know that I grew up in a house of mostly women. I did the cleaning and the yard. I was taught how to drive, change the oil, fix plumbing, sew, knit, cook and many more things. But just because I can do all these things doesn't mean I want to. I like when I can call a guy friend and have him come fix something. Call me a 1950's woman or whatever but I just prefer to give men a chance to serve. Push comes to shove though lets be honest half the time I do it myself. I moved myself more than once...loading and unloading a truck. 

There is so much more to this topic including roles in the home itself, but again another time.

What I am trying to get across is that we shouldn't look at it as an attack on women but on society. Women and children are the ones that lose in wars, domestic violence, and in most care. This I don't dispute at all. It saddens me and breaks my heart that this is the casualty of being here on earth. I wish men were softer and understood their consequences of attitude, aggression, and war but perhaps that is why there is balance it out. Why be like men? There are enough of them in this world. Be women who are strong, caring, and women who can change the world in no way that a man can.