Monday, August 12, 2013

Brass Tacks

It is hard to be honest in this world. We tend to hide from others due to judgment or that side ways glance that may come from telling them how you feel about something.

Well I am here to get down to Brass Tacks about why I love and loathe being single.
I may get random comments or the soft pat on the back that is for sympathy, heck I may even get a few choice words thrown my direction but I need to get a few things straight.

1. Just cause I am a single white female with short hair does not mean I like women. On more than a few occasions it has come to my attention that men like long flowing hair. Therefore short hair is unacceptable in a feminine woman. There seems to be some equation that a certain type of women ascribe to because they have short hair. I have short hair cause it is cute on me. More men who actually know me like my short hair as it is part of my spunky personality.

2. I love me time. This is one thing I cherish about being single. I am sometimes wasteful with my time I admit but I try to be productive and go above and beyond in ways to serve those around me.

3. It is hard to be alone. But I think sometimes it is harder for me to be with someone. I tend to keep people at an arms length because I don't want to hurt them or have them hurt. My parents constantly tell me that this is selfish and I agree. But try to picture watching someone watch you be in pain and can't help. Now picture doing that for a lifetime. I know it is completely selfish and yes some can handle it but it hurts me more to know that others cry, feel pain, or uselessness because of things beyond both our controls. (Speaking of a terminal disease if you haven't read previous posts.)

4. Losing control or allowing others control is not my best quality. After a particularly scary and albeit awful situation on a date I swore to myself that I would never allow someone to control me. Now granted I may have gone to some extremes in controlling and even forgot how to trust those I knew/know but it is easier to have control of my world then let others in.

5.  I love being an aunt. I love calling my nieces and nephews for birthdays. I look forward to the day when I will be able to take trips with them and do more things as they get older.

6.  I can be happy and sad being single. As with any stage in life there are ebbs and flows of emotion. I don't think that just because a person's marital status changes so does their happiness. We all have moments of reflection and struggle in our lives. There are also those peaceful happy joyous moments where you know how amazing your life is.

I guess what I am trying to say in this post is that it is time to be honest. We may love our lives but we don't always like it. We judge others even though we don't know them. (Judgment does not always imply negative)  We are trying to just survive the day most of the time. We look forward to the to do list being less, more money coming in, with all the time in the world to be with those we love. But it doesn't happen that way and that is alright. We move on to the next day looking for the opportunity to improve.  My way of thinking is this: If you don't like me then you don't know me. :)

Friday, August 9, 2013

Step Away from the Bitter Bug

It is the season of marriages. As much as I love dressing up and help a friend put a down payment on a house, it is a tough situation when you are left in the cold dead non-dating winter. What is worse is that you are extremely happy for them but you just wish you were the one with the dress and pretty shoes.

At times like this I tend to become a little bitter. Yes I admit I have a bitter bug inside me. It is not bitter toward anyone but the situation. What starts out as pure joy upon seeing a picture of a friend with her engagement ring can quickly turn into "Well if she can find someone..." pity party.

The slippery slope I quickly get on tends to take me to a not so happy place. A lot of self reflection/doubt occurs, or worse yet another binge with me and the Bunny Tracks ice cream fairies. All in all I think though I have realized a few things through my sugar induced coma or rant personal writings about how I can avoid the bitter bug of singlehood.

1.  I remind myself that the man she is marrying is her perfect match. Which means he and I would never have worked....not that I am ever interested in their fianc├ęs. It is more of a if she can find someone to fit her then there must be a lid to fit my pot.

2.  I go out with my friends. Whether guys or girls I surround myself with people who make me smile. Why be a Debbie downer when you could just remember how awesome you are and that you have people who care about you. Even if your not married to one of them.

3.  I call my sisters. This may sound weird but I call one of my sisters and talk to her. Within the ten minute conversation she has had children come up and ask for this and that. She lists off the numerous chores, baking goods to make, lessons to teach, or how tired she is from trying to raise a house of kids. This is a reminder of how amazing I have it that I can sleep, eat, play, or do whatever whenever I want. (Please note that I am not looking down on my sisters but appreciating that I am not them.)

4.  I look at the picture of the happy couple and imagine that one day it will be me. Why not dwell on the positive of the situation and bask in the hope that one day it could be me. I run through the things I would want to do differently, that is to say my tastes in things are different than the bride to be. But to look at how happy a couple is at the cusp of their relationship you can't help but be excited for them.

Avoid the Bitter Bug that creeps up on you. Trust me it likes to eat at your soul with some lasting scars. Don't lose hope that you are perfectly situated in life. Use the bug spray you do have like friends, family, and a shopping spree ;-) to avoid what is out of your control. Step back to look at the AMAZING person you are and that one day you will find an AMAZING lid to your pot.