Monday, August 12, 2013

Brass Tacks

It is hard to be honest in this world. We tend to hide from others due to judgment or that side ways glance that may come from telling them how you feel about something.

Well I am here to get down to Brass Tacks about why I love and loathe being single.
I may get random comments or the soft pat on the back that is for sympathy, heck I may even get a few choice words thrown my direction but I need to get a few things straight.

1. Just cause I am a single white female with short hair does not mean I like women. On more than a few occasions it has come to my attention that men like long flowing hair. Therefore short hair is unacceptable in a feminine woman. There seems to be some equation that a certain type of women ascribe to because they have short hair. I have short hair cause it is cute on me. More men who actually know me like my short hair as it is part of my spunky personality.

2. I love me time. This is one thing I cherish about being single. I am sometimes wasteful with my time I admit but I try to be productive and go above and beyond in ways to serve those around me.

3. It is hard to be alone. But I think sometimes it is harder for me to be with someone. I tend to keep people at an arms length because I don't want to hurt them or have them hurt. My parents constantly tell me that this is selfish and I agree. But try to picture watching someone watch you be in pain and can't help. Now picture doing that for a lifetime. I know it is completely selfish and yes some can handle it but it hurts me more to know that others cry, feel pain, or uselessness because of things beyond both our controls. (Speaking of a terminal disease if you haven't read previous posts.)

4. Losing control or allowing others control is not my best quality. After a particularly scary and albeit awful situation on a date I swore to myself that I would never allow someone to control me. Now granted I may have gone to some extremes in controlling and even forgot how to trust those I knew/know but it is easier to have control of my world then let others in.

5.  I love being an aunt. I love calling my nieces and nephews for birthdays. I look forward to the day when I will be able to take trips with them and do more things as they get older.

6.  I can be happy and sad being single. As with any stage in life there are ebbs and flows of emotion. I don't think that just because a person's marital status changes so does their happiness. We all have moments of reflection and struggle in our lives. There are also those peaceful happy joyous moments where you know how amazing your life is.

I guess what I am trying to say in this post is that it is time to be honest. We may love our lives but we don't always like it. We judge others even though we don't know them. (Judgment does not always imply negative)  We are trying to just survive the day most of the time. We look forward to the to do list being less, more money coming in, with all the time in the world to be with those we love. But it doesn't happen that way and that is alright. We move on to the next day looking for the opportunity to improve.  My way of thinking is this: If you don't like me then you don't know me. :)

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