Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Entitlement Dating

I am sure I have written a previous post that is similar to this but the topic came up again recently in conversation I had with a guy friend.

We were comparing our social outings and recent dating stories. I crack up every time I talk to him because of the perspective he brings. Well this time he did not disappoint and with his permission I am sharing our conversation.

I started off with the why it is difficult and frustrating to date LDS (Mormon) men. Here was my quick list of struggles.

  1. They feel that every girl should know how to cook, clean, sew, play an instrument or sing, and stay a size 2 with a cute figure of Barbie.
  2. We should be grateful that they even asked us out because otherwise we would be sitting at home with our bon bons and wallowing.
  3. It is easier to date an atheist than a LDS guy. This is a point I brought up with a recent dating experience. There were no expectations from the atheist guy. Sure the big elephant in the room was that I believe in God and he doesn’t but beyond that we had a great time. It was all about getting to know each other. Not comparing notes of who we know or going through a list of questions that tend to follow on an LDS date.
  4. LDS men feel they have the right to date up. Yes you want to date someone that makes you want to be better but perhaps at the cost of the other losing a little of themselves. We all know how this works and it is usually put on a physical 1 to 10 scale. My scale is 1 to 10 but it isn’t about what the guy looks like.

So after I was able to air my dating grievances he shared with me his on dating LDS women. I will put his reply in quatations as I think it is much better as such without the numbered list.

"hhmm see I would think the opposite as it's Mormon women who I think are entitled.
But that's just my opinion and perspective.
Sure you're a daughter of God of great worth but then again by that definition so is every female on the planet.
Why are you special again?
What are you doing with your life?
Oh yeah nothing?
So you're pretty much capable of procreation and that's it...yeah pass.
But somehow you're fulfilling your diving mission to have a uterus and doing nothing else with your life again....pass."

I will be honest the first time I read his reply I gawked. I mean how dare he say that because I don’t think that at all. Then it hit me….we all think like this. We all feel we have something to bring to the table of a relationship that no one else can. This is true to an extent. I think where the hang up really is that we expect something from God, universe, karma whatever you call it because we have worked for who we are and what we have.

By definition Entitlement is: Belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges. In the case of the LDS culture we call it blessings. Because we have done A, B, C God must give us D. In some cases this is true and there are natural laws at play with that theory. However, when it comes to dating, eternal mate selection, and the big choices God wants us to rely on ourselves. Yes we have worked for ABC but that should help us see the answer of D not expect it to be given to us.

To let go of foolish traditions of what I think/want/worked for/deserve in my eternal companion is the hardest thing to do. I do have expectations from God and from myself in what I get out of this life but I can’t put those expectations on others. I am no more special than the next girl or guy because we are all children of God and should look at each other as such. Not as a prize that we deserve because we followed ABC.

***As a post-script I do want to add that I never mean offense in my writings. This is just what I see in my world and how I feel.*** 

1 comment:

  1. Ah, as always you are so witty.
    Yeah, I think I was thinking of something similar the other day--in no way should we ever be angry that someone doesn't like us romantically. Would we want anyone else to feel that way towards us? We like who we like :-)
    Good post!