Friday, November 8, 2013

Letting Go

Not being a mother I can only imagine the struggle it is to let children go. Let them go on the first day of school, drive their first car, leave for college and the most permanent letting go of the child getting married.


In recent days I have had to let go of some friendships. As a single person friendships are the most important thing to me. Whether it is the friendships I have formed with family members or friends it is always difficult to let go. Sometimes this is thought of as a negative thing. That one or the other in a friendship did something wrong and therefore that is why you are letting go. That is not the case at all.


What I have realized is that as a single person I hold on to tight to most of my friendships. At times it is inappropriate to keep in contact with someone who has moved on and gotten married or started dating someone. Also there are the friendships that evolve and are no longer beneficial but are more of a perfunctory relationship then anything else. The latter being usually with someone you have dated and have tried to remain friends because you get along so well.


No matter the reasoning for letting go of a relationship it is sometimes needed. It can be temporary or permanent depending on what you want to accomplish from it. It is however not easy for me to let go. As previously stated I hang on and cherish all the friendships in my life but when I see that it is not beneficial for myself because of my expectations of it or for them because I can tend to smother it is time to let go. Let go of my expectations of the friendship/relationship. There is also the part of me that gets lost in keeping them close. I put the relationship and friendships first. Being there for people is a big part of who I am but sometimes it is at the expense of losing who I am and my goals in life to be there for another. Again the balance of life is essential in maintaining who you are because they are friends because of that. If you lose yourself in the friendship you are doing yourself and them a disservice.


It seems to me that on a subconscious level I feel that I have failed when I can’t keep these relationships healthy and going. There is also hurt for me to let go of the possibilities of the friendship. Not that I use people but I do lean on people for love and support when needed as we all do. So what is the fine line and balance of such relationships where you don’t have to let go?


This is my conundrum this week. I let go of a few friendships because I felt that I lost myself along the road and put too much of who I am into their well-being. Even though I know it is not my responsibility but it is part of who I am. I talked with the people involved. (don’t let go without telling them…that’s just rude) But where it hurts and is difficult is that I care about these people. I want them to happy and find the success of their dreams. Perhaps I am too much an optimist that all is supposed to be perfect and remaining forever friends is always the case. Little does my poor ego know that it isn’t the case.


The biggest part of letting go process though is letting go of my grip on my expectations. People have agency, which is a blessing from God. Allowing them to use it is so hard. Again I refer back to the mother’s of the world. I couldn’t imagine seeing and letting go of a child as they make decisions for them self. You want them to have the best possible life with the world laid before them but letting go so they can step into it has got to be tough stuff. This is something that I don’t envy in my parents or my sisters. They have had to do this many times and my mere incidences with those I care about pale in comparison but to me the friends are my world and it hurts to let go and let them live without you.

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