A cloud has recently lifted from my mind and body. When I am sick I tend to mope around and think of all the awful things that go wrong when I am sick. It is like a domino affect in my body that trickles into my mind and spirit. I tend to feel sorry for myself and don't like to be around people because I know I am not my normally happy self.
This round of health problems was no different but what I have learned was. We all struggle. I am sure you are saying "Well DUH SSS this is not news to us." Perhaps it isn't but I hope to maybe remind you of the different faces we each wear during our struggles.
I will use myself as the example of faces as I can only speak for myself.
Face One: Brave face. This is the face I put on for people who I know struggle with sympathy or empathy for others. I do it because I know they can't relate or really feel what I am going through. They usual have had perfect health most of their lives and rarely if at all lost a loved one close to them. I use it not to manipulate them but to guard them from what they may not be comfortable with.
I also put this face on when things are really bad. When I know that if I put on any other face people will see right through me and know that I am not good. I tend to put on the Brave Face to hide how scared I am of what is going on in my life. I will break down if I don't put this face on. It may also be considered my Lying Face because I will lie straight through my teeth to keep the Brave Face on.
Face Two: Happy Face. My fake smile and light voice. Don't get me wrong I am happy but there is a difference between being happy and putting on the happy face. I put it on to hide the insecurities or to keep things upbeat even though I may want to smack someone upside the head. My Happy face that I put on is not genuine. Those who know me can tell when I am truly happy and when the Happy Face is on. It is my "I am happy because I need to be, not because I am."
Face Three: Depressed/Sad/Angry Face. This one is my death stare down face. It tells you that you best walk away now because you are either going to get a landslide of words or the death stare that will burn through your soul. ;) It is not one that I like on me but as of late it has been the one used the most. Which is not a good thing as I know it is not my natural way of being which makes this face stay around longer. It is like a never ending cycle. Within this face I have no sympathy or empathy for others. In face I could careless what is going on around me. I want to be in my own world left alone to my own devices. Which may include the following: Ice Cream, Writing, Crying, Moping, and Hide in a Hole.
Face Four: Sheer Joy Face. I love this face. This face shows that I am just happy and joyful with sunshine radiating from my eyes. It greets you with a smile or a hug that is genuine and kind. I wish this face would come around more often as it is the one that helps me understand others as well. Even with this face there are still struggles but for whatever reason they don't weigh me down when I have this face. The clarity, love, and contentment that come with this face help me get through some of the other faces. This face feels sorrow, pain, joy, radiance, and sadness but is calm in the storm.
We all have our struggles and faces to get us through. I am sure we put on many faces a day, quickly changing from one to another. We hide ourselves from others because we may not want to burden others with our problems, or don't like talking with others about it, or the other myriad of reasons to hide behind our faces. To hide behind our struggles.
In one of my darkest moments recently a wise friend told me they would switch places with me in an instant. I was taken aback because I would have loved to. In this particular struggle of mine I wanted more time. More time on earth to be with family, friends, learn, love more, and just be in this physical existence more. While my friend was happy to switch places and leave this frail existence. Their struggle is a long life while mine may be a short one. I quickly felt sorrow for my narrow mindedness in not seeing how what I may consider a struggle another would consider a blessing.
We all struggle, we all put on our faces to get us through but perhaps I should add one more face to my collection.....
Another's Face: This one would understand and truly feel another's struggles. This face would also see myself through their eyes and realize the potential they see in me or the love they have for me.